I've started saying goodbye.

The first time I uttered those words was a week ago to another exchange student, but I know it's not the last time we meet and living in the same country helps. I've been so preoccupied thinking about the wedding, and seeing my parents, and getting enrolled in uni, and thinking about the future, that I've forgotten to live the now.

But I've started saying goodbye to Danish people and realised just how mind numbingly sad the next week and a half will be. I do feel myself closing up - putting emotions in the back corner and going through everything very clinically - chucking out clothes, organising flight itinary, getting bits and bobs into my suitcase and working out what I want to wear for a 2 day flight - and yet it hadn't hit that this is it - the end. I think its my defense mechanism to dealing with the change that lies ahead, and just how emotional it will be.

The night before leaving Adelaide, I set out my plane clothes, had a quite stressful dinner with the family, took photo's, packed my suitcase at 2am, slept like a log, showered, ate brekkie, made it to the airport in time (for once), had that last coffee with the fam, did a bit more rushing - without once actually realising it would be a year before I was back. But then it got to the point of picking up my bag - and boy did it hit! that last hug from the family and bam, this was it - I thought after 6 years of planning exchange, this wouldn't be hard - I would have steeled myself for it. I was very wrong. I remember standing there wondering why on earth I was doing this - a year was so long, and things were going so well - I was so happy, like I was on top of the world - but no matter how sad and scary the prospect of exchange was, I would be back, and hopefully all my family would be there at the airport - so this time, the goodbye's have become that much harder.

I won't be back to Denmark in a year. I have no idea if I'll see any of these people again, have that last hug or do any of the stuff that has finally become a part of my life, in the place that has now become my home. Even now, it feels surreal beyond belief and every now and then, when I have to say goodbye, it will no doubt hit again but it doesn't stick that in 2 weeks, I'll be in my other home. So taking that train from Fredericia - my bet is - that'll be it. The moment it hits home that my year is over - I want to be able to ready myself for that change, and painful moment - but I can't. I don't know how I'll react or how to deal with it. Or if it will ever feel like my year here was real - it feels dream like now, and I imagine once in Australia, it will only feel more so.

So, very sarcastically, the fun begins - and I will have to say that final 'Vi ses' to the people who have become my family, kept me sane, listened to me, taken my mind of home and simply accepted me and opened their hearts to me. This, above all things, scares me - and I come from a land of snakes, sharks, spiders and to many poisonous critters. Go figure.